The Smyth Fund is the creation of Ms Smyth, an experienced Financial Dominatrix located in England.

It is very much tongue-in-cheek, with plenty of puns. May I bring your attention to Investment Wanking (pay to stroke), Emissions Management (chastity), Deposits (tributes), and Emissions Taxation (cum tax)… and these are only the beginning.

Office Hours

It's Wednesday 1:25 AMthe office is now closed.

Please note: all times are GMT/BST (London)

Monday - Thursday10:00 AM — 4:00 PM
Friday10:00 AM — 1:00 PM
Saturday - SundayClosed

Membership Types

Basic Savings
from $100 per month
  • Even the smallest deposit
    serves a greater purpose.
  • Exclusive online wealth
    management app
Private Banking
from $1,000 per month
  • Bespoke arrangements
    building greater wealth.
  • Exclusive online wealth
    management app
  • Optional membership card
Wealth Management
from $5,000 per month
  • For those seeking exceptional
    financial service.
  • Exclusive online wealth
    management app
  • Optional membership card
  • Be the first to get access
    to new products


A Selection of Products & Services

Investment Wanking – where your deposits are directly tied to your emissions

Personal Endowment – no matter the size, service and funding options are available

Concierge Service – cater to My every whim… no matter where you are located

Perpetual Bonds -recurring service, for those seeking long-term investment

Debt Repayment Plans – for those seeking to be held in contract and charged interest


Supported Platforms

In order of preference:


Interested in opening an account?

The first thing you will need to do is to read through the New Client Welcome Pack. This will give you an idea of whether you are suited to being an account holder.

You will then need to choose the platform(s) from which you prefer to operate your account. Each platform has it’s unique advantages, however Ms Smyth’s preferred platform is LoyalFans. As listed above, The Smyth Fund also operates via FinMessage, iWantClips, and NiteFlirt.

For those that are extremely dedicated to maintaining an account with The Smyth Fund, it is possible to utilise multiple platforms.